More Notes to Self
Here are more notes I have made to myself about how to live in America, beyond the ones I have already made:
- Fruit juice is sometimes concentrated here. Next time, make sure to add water to the concentrated cranberry juice before you drink it.
- Yes, you have had to deal with three different ZIP codes in three weeks, but the gas pump doesn’t care. You have only three chances to get it right.
- That person wandering around alone and talking is not deranged. He has a phone in his ear.
- If you ask where a place is, and someone says, “It’ll come up on your maps,” she’s talking about using a cell phone to find directions.
- If you call a business with a question, a computer will probably answer. The computer will not understand English. You’ll have to use the internet to get an answer.
- Don’t worry about which faucet to use for drinking water. Really. The water from all the faucets is safe here.
- But…the water didn’t come off a metal roof. Remember to get a water filter, or you’ll never get past the taste of the water.
- The green beans didn’t just come out of someone’s garden yesterday. You’d better eat them within a couple of days, or they will go bad.
- Some things don’t change. No matter where you go in the world, printers are brats.
- You got a little sunburned here, but never in the tropics. Yes, the mystery annoys you, but it doesn’t matter. Put some sun screen on until you build a base tan.
- Americans automatically give you paper receipts for everything. Don’t ponder why. Just let them do it.
- Remember, this place is normal for the people who live here.